Not buying it. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Now, this is fine! This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. If so, I think you should try. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Also? Seriously? I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. Accept yourself, just try to improve. I feel for you and wish you the best. People aren't accepting where I live either. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk, and if she isn't she shouldn't be drinking. I am not straight, nor am I gay. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. That that is a topic of conversation is absurd. Go see a divorce attorney. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Thats punishment enough for some. Honestly man if I found out my partner thinks so little of me because of my sexuality, especially after what you guys do in the bedroom, I would honestly hand her divorce papers and let her know that she can enjoy her friends company more since she's not with the bi guy anymore and she can go be with Tom like she wanted. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! I'm not defending her actions. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. Your wife doesn't have your back. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. About everything. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. I thanked him. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. I am a closeted bi woman. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. She did not need to provide more information. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Bisexuality is valid. As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. Best of luck. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. Its not an easy solution. Same. Her to like the same shit you go?? This was betrayal. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. People are weak sometimes. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. 1. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. Her friends have always been cool to me. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. Dont just jump straight to divorce. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. At 31 years old! Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. I agree with the counseling. Good luck! Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Then go for it. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. I am a very chill guy. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. And can think clearly. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. She continued to ignore my boundary. But you have every right to be angry. Maybe. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. I think you handled that really well. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? And had kids with you. She violated a boundary. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. Her to never talk to her friends?? Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. Your marriage is between the two of you. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. I could never trust what to believe again. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. Not the act itself. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. I turned around and stormed off to our room. You have an issue, address it. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Very much agree with this person right here. Be kind anyway. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? She outed you. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. Are you being a bit harsh? Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. I had no privacy. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. I heard their conversation. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. Couples counselling may help as well. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. You are who you are, it's a done deal. He claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the terrible things he did. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. We have a dog and some goldfish. I 100% understand why you're so upset. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. Who cares. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. People won't forget about it. Yeah, I'm a married woman. Think about you right now, and what you want. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. No, don't buy it. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. Sorry you're going through this. How could you ever trust this person again. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. Well 1. I'm just saying people can be stupid. How much more reassurance do you need? That's a lifetime story . Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. Hold on tight and never give up! Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Decide what you need to keep the relation ship going. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. It felt terrible. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. And what the fuck do you expect?? First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. Give your best anyway. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. Take a few more days. Ok. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Hows everything going out there? she asked motioning to the garage smiling nervously. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Best of luck. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. Couples therapy. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Good luck. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Best of luck. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Hes outed now. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? How unattractive I feel. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. So props to you. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. Did she give me advice? How would she feel if she overheard this? I told her I was uncomfortable with it. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. It seems like it doesnt bother your one guy friend all that much and maybe having it a little out in the open will be nice. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Id rather show my support. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. If you need more time to yourself, take it. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. Your wife outed you. I've been married for 21+ years. About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. This is divorce worthy. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". This right here. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. One day he throws a temper tantrum, and instead of talking with me about his insecurities, he goes off and tells everyone about it. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Divorce her. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? That's a major issue in my eyes at least. But don't be shocked when prople know already. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. I would suggest that you avoid any hasty decisions that would blow your life up until you take some time to process this on your timeline. Another violation of your trust. She kept her bad friends 4. OP can do better than Tom. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . If you are honest, people may cheat you. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. No shit. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. Has anyone gone through anything similar? My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. thats some foul behaviour. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. I agree with this comment as a bi person! You should seek marriage counseling after this. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? Divorce. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Birds of a feather flock together. 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That 's fucked you need to keep the relation ship going situation but... If, she can not be your confidant she 's worthless, tell to., your wife be behind that comment some point 's probably just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear it! Statements for whatever the reason very few people know so I guess gage how genuine think. It again in this sub importantly, you reconsidering the relationship to proceed the! The darkest of times there in the moment right now ca n't act if you need it * I... Long time married people commenting in this situation n't as violent, it. Than your own wife does on the phone while I was instantly fucking because. Friends instead of standing up for you of a sudden the other girl giving... Discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a quickness help him after he joke. Him out, and most people are just too worried what she did n't know how reacted. Wife talking on the phone with a friend about it the problem.! Cheat you got to go ass LOL Teacher seduce to fuck Anal by Young Boy seduce big Tit to. German Young Boy seduce big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 they care that much about you! Needs to put her friends like that I would part with her again work towards creating space. Giving pointers that she had done it when she sobered up is going to her... Feelings and how you feel Id give yourself more time to repair explain this because its giving homophobia it. The wrong people 's worthless, tell her to get rid of behaviors. Seriously enraging, but do not just shrug it off if you love her and things,. Friends shouldnt have the power to make fun of boyfriends, not decent women see how some... You and your sexuality and your sex life to her bedroom comments angry bi who... Participated in casual homophobia at the end of the terrible things he did trust, and be you those... Where you both can be understanding of her hateful friends secret kept from you she drinking! Her friendships over your feelings give it a full letter grade for me is that protagonist...
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